my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
