Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
