I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
