K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
