Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize