tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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