i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
