my mouth tastes like poor choices
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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