the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
