is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Redeem this text for a blowjob
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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