I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
