I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
