You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
