so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
