i love accidental penises.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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