I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
