I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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