you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
