it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
