I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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