I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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