i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Randomize
