i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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