He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
