I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
