Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
