Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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