I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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