the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
