she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
