on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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