This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
