did you get engaged???
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
