When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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