playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
