I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
