Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
