An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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