you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
