I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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