tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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