The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
