I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
