just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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