there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
