I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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