So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
