Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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