drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
