Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My bed smells like the plague
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
