he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
