Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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