my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
