the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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