What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
