Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
