Christians are straight up FREAKS
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
