my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
