They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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