I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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