How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
