You're my little dorito
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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