no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
