Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
