I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
