it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
