They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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