what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
