My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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