I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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