went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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