so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
