I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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